Cancun!

I'm so looking forward to going to Cancun with John! We are going for our anniversary trip and are pretty excited. It's our real honeymoon as we only got about 3 days when we were first married...yahoo!!! A friend told me to come back tan...ner. Ha. I may not get to that point with my fair skin, but at least will be out on the beach in the sun relaxing and enjoying time with John. Thanks for all your support guys! See you in a week!

Motherhood...

So this post is straight from the heart today. I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately, especially since it's been a year ago last week that I became an instant mom and started in on this adventure. There are so many moments where I think "This is why I love being a mom" and then there are other moments where I think "Did I really sign up for this?" I hear and see so many things from other moms about how they love being a mom and how it's the best job in the world and...I'm sorry to admit, but I don't feel that way all of the time. I have wondered so many times if I really am cut out for being a mom and really have it in me to continue to love and be patient through the "Mommy is stupid", the "I like Daddy betters", the "You're not my mom, she is, and I wish I were with her instead", the "This is why I don't like you..." and the day in and day out rigors of it all---emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. Perhaps I need to grow a thicker skin, but how do you find the joy in motherhood? I know it can be found and I know it is possible because I have seen it. Perhaps my expectations need to be changed or my perspective needs to be different? I'm not sure. I worry about when the kids become teenagers and the dreaded words are spoken "You're not my mom!!!" I worry about helping them grow emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I worry about making sure I am raising these kids with the help of their mother Britney, and striving to do my best in her place. Will they be healthy and happy and am I messing them up for life??? How do I give them all that they need? I do my best to follow inspiration as I know Heavenly Father knows them best and that as I strive to follow the Spirit, He will guide me, but I often feel so inadequate!

I trust that this is where I am supposed to be and that Heavenly Father wants me to be part of this family. I know He will provide and that He wants me to be happy. He has given me strength to get through so many trials so far and I know if I rely on the Savior, things always seem better. I just keep pressing forward---and I hope that somehow, I will be able to change whatever I need to in order to see things differently if that's what needs to happen.

Some thoughts as I go through this crazy life I have, with it's ups and downs, trying to remember those joyful moments to get me through the not so joyful ones...