How is life with 4 kiddos, one of those a 7 wk old, you may ask? Well, I would answer that it's an interesting ride. That's probably the best way to describe it for me. A ride with ups and downs and little moments of joy that make the other not so joyful moments more bearable. Not completely blissful, but more bearable :) It HAS been especially difficult since Benjamin was born and there have been many tearful days, but I will say that I know this baby has been sent to us at this time for a reason and that he is meant to be in our family, and that is one of my moments of joy. He is a light to all of us---the way the kids get so excited about any noise he makes and anytime he smiles and the clothes he wears---you name it, they love it. They adore him and that is another moment of joy. The way Jonas asks how Benjamin is doing every morning and how Vera and Anna dote on him like little mothers. Moments of joy. He is such a little joy to me in his cute little smiles and laughs and the way he just coos when I come get him up from his nap. Maybe I could do without the poopy laundry and sleepless nights ;), but I can handle it better knowing my little guy recognizes me and knows who his mommy is. I mean, when you see this every morning, how could you be unhappy???
Yep. That's my boy. I adore him. I admit, I have had MANY days where I just want to throw in the towel---or maybe even shower!!!, get back in bed, and let the kids fend for themselves. Many times where the time outs, the not listening and invisible mom syndrome, the crazy behaviors that I don't understand and that drive me nuts, and the tantrums and attitude are just too much. Oh. My. Goodness. Yes. Those days I feel like I'm just surviving...and they tend to be very frequent :) However, I am slowly learning that there are some things I just have to let go and to let be in order to have those moments of joy. I am learning that I can't do everything and don't have to in order to be a good mom and wife. I am often told and reminded to allow myself to not do it all and see what happens. I can't say I've learned and applied that completely yet, but I have recognized when I start going down that path of doing too much and...well, recognition is the first step, right??? Ha. I still constantly have moments (um, this morning!!) when I think I'll run away to Australia or Jamaica or some place exotic and tropical and just relax, and then come back when I am normal and rejuvenated again (is that possible?!!!). Sheesh it's a crazy ride. I have learned to appreciate so much what my parents did in raising the 9 of us. I HAD NO IDEA. Even getting ready to go in the morning is an incredible feat for me. Making sure the baby is fed, dressed, diaper changed, diaper bag ready, in the car seat, and the other kids are dressed (I am starting to let go of having to have clothes match---some of the time ;)---baby steps right? John would be proud), and I'm showered and ready---not to mention getting everyone in the car...OH GOSH. How did you do it, Mom?? So...in a nutshell, being a mom with 4 kiddos is a challenging ride and I'm going on no sleep and am grumpy a lot of the time, but there are moments of joy and I hope to be better at finding them. Here's to finding moments like these:
You are one inspiring lady! Thank you for your post, and for being so real about your experience. Hang in there sugar. I think you are absolutely right in finding those small joyful moments to keep you going through those not so joyful one's.
ReplyDeleteI am personally still trying to keep the "come what may and love it" attitude...but feel like that comes with time. I think you have got a leg up on this though babe. Gonna still take hard work, but looks like you are defeating those 'toss-in-the-towel demons. Keep it up sister!