So this post is straight from the heart today. I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately, especially since it's been a year ago last week that I became an instant mom and started in on this adventure. There are so many moments where I think "This is why I love being a mom" and then there are other moments where I think "Did I really sign up for this?" I hear and see so many things from other moms about how they love being a mom and how it's the best job in the world and...I'm sorry to admit, but I don't feel that way all of the time. I have wondered so many times if I really am cut out for being a mom and really have it in me to continue to love and be patient through the "Mommy is stupid", the "I like Daddy betters", the "You're not my mom, she is, and I wish I were with her instead", the "This is why I don't like you..." and the day in and day out rigors of it all---emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. Perhaps I need to grow a thicker skin, but how do you find the joy in motherhood? I know it can be found and I know it is possible because I have seen it. Perhaps my expectations need to be changed or my perspective needs to be different? I'm not sure. I worry about when the kids become teenagers and the dreaded words are spoken "You're not my mom!!!" I worry about helping them grow emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I worry about making sure I am raising these kids with the help of their mother Britney, and striving to do my best in her place. Will they be healthy and happy and am I messing them up for life??? How do I give them all that they need? I do my best to follow inspiration as I know Heavenly Father knows them best and that as I strive to follow the Spirit, He will guide me, but I often feel so inadequate!
I trust that this is where I am supposed to be and that Heavenly Father wants me to be part of this family. I know He will provide and that He wants me to be happy. He has given me strength to get through so many trials so far and I know if I rely on the Savior, things always seem better. I just keep pressing forward---and I hope that somehow, I will be able to change whatever I need to in order to see things differently if that's what needs to happen.
Some thoughts as I go through this crazy life I have, with it's ups and downs, trying to remember those joyful moments to get me through the not so joyful ones...
I trust that this is where I am supposed to be and that Heavenly Father wants me to be part of this family. I know He will provide and that He wants me to be happy. He has given me strength to get through so many trials so far and I know if I rely on the Savior, things always seem better. I just keep pressing forward---and I hope that somehow, I will be able to change whatever I need to in order to see things differently if that's what needs to happen.
Some thoughts as I go through this crazy life I have, with it's ups and downs, trying to remember those joyful moments to get me through the not so joyful ones...
all you can do is the best you can. It's much easier to start from scratch, so don't get discouraged!!!
ReplyDeleteWe have talked about this several times before - - remember?!?! You are doing a great job! Motherhood is a priceless gift, however, your "priceless gift" came in a bundle of 3, not one at a time. You have had a ton going on this past year! I think we all have discouraging moments, but you have to concentrate on the good times. (Tough to do sometimes) Your three kiddos are SO BLESSED to have you in their lives. You are doing a great job! If you ever need a therapy session, pick up your phone. I am always here for you! :) Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThough my experience with motherhood isn't the same as yours, I can relate to your thoughts and emotions. Motherhood is work. Sometimes it is awesome and sometimes it is hard. You won't mess up those kids. Just keep God and your husband as your partners and you'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteAnd something that has helped me in this journey of motherhood, friends. It just seems to help to talk with other mothers and hear they are dealing with similar challenges too and we end up being each others' cheerleaders.
You are an amazing mom. Don't worry, even if they were your biological children, they would still go through the "I want daddy, not mommy!" stages. They are lucky to have you, and they know it, too, deep down. You are their mother, and they are blessed.
ReplyDeleteI've been so impressed with your courage this past year, and I just love to hear about your amazing family. A sentiment that's been passed around the mommy blogs lately is that expecting yourself to enjoy every moment is ridiculous and impossible. What's important is that we savor little moments each day that make us smile and make us happy. I can see from your blog that you know just the kind of moments I'm talking about.
I heartily agree with everyone else that you are a fabulous mother! Your trouble right now is that you can't see the forest through all of the trees. When you are having doubts about how wonderful you are think back beyond the past week or two. Pain from bad times is quickly forgotten; joy from good times lingers forever. You do their laundry, clean up their spills, wipe their tears, and kiss their skinned knees: You are their mommy. They are just as lucky to have you as their mommy as John is to have you as his wife. Smile, and go give them hugs!
ReplyDeleteI know lots of moms that feel the way you do...myself included. I regularly have to recommit my faith that Heavenly Father knows what is best for me (and for my children). He brought us together, despite all my shortcomings.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have to give a shout out for therapists. I feel weak every time I have to call mine up for a "tune-up," but I can tell you it is a blessing every time that I have someone to work out my feelings with. It would be, in my opinion, extremely beneficial to find a good family therapist (your Bishop can recommend one through LDS Family Services). It would be healthy for you to talk to someone who can help you through your discouraging times and provide helpful strategies and perspective and helpful for the kids as they get older and have to reconcile the loss of their mother and their love for you, their wonderful new mother.
I think you are amazing and I hope that with time, you will settle in to all the big changes and feel more peace and joy!
Thanks Toby. We were going to a therapist back in Tucson and it was helpful. It's nice to have an outsider's perspective and to provide perspective and strategies. I'm sure things will be fine. There are just days like that day where I get discouraged and then Heavenly Father helps me see the good and I'm able to keep going. Thanks for the support!
DeleteRachel, you are such a strong, beautiful, amazing person. I miss being able to get together and talk with you so much. I don't have any words f comfort or advice beyond what anyone else has already said, but I did want to add my vote of confidence in you. I'm so grateful for your friendship (even though we haven't talked in...yikes....over a year!).
ReplyDeleteUgh, kids have a special gift of knowing just what to say to hurt us. I think it shows how much they know you care about them, that they would feel safe enough to test you in this way. I bet in that moment, they felt really crappy about something and waned you to feel what they are feeling. If you were their biological mother it would have been just as hurtful, but differnt words. When they grow up they will know how hard you worked to love them through all the trials! You are amazing. Lots of love to you!
ReplyDeleteRachel!!! It sounds like you are doing it right. ;) You answered your own questions. Be confident in who you are as a mother. You have so much experience and examples to draw from. I can only see that you're doing great things for your kids!! I don't know that there is a mother that always, always loves what's she doing, you've got to have the up's and downs. Even though I have no children and have never been married (as you remember), I love following one of my friends from high school who is such the optimist and she just had her 7th, wow!! Anyway, I'm amazed at her attitude. It helps when I wonder if all this dating is really going to lead to something I want, haha. You're amazing Rachel!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.simplesurprises.blogspot.com
Btw, I love your family picture. What a beautiful family! That's so awesome that you got such a beautiful piano too. Thanks for the recipes and menus as well. :))