Benjamin's Birth Story

Welcome Benjamin John Winkler! I can't believe I actually have a little one who grew inside of me for 9 months. He is beautiful and I'm so grateful. Here is the story of how our precious Benjamin was born:

So as Benjamin's due date approached, I considered a birthing plan and how I wanted to deliver. I talked to lots of people about their experiences, whether going natural or with medications and intervention, and wanted to do what was best for me and baby. I read up on Hypnobirthing and natural birth and was pretty convinced that's the way I wanted to go. I continued reading those books and using the practice CDs and decided I wanted to let my body do it's thing and not have any medication during labor and delivery. John and I took a birthing class and I explored different positions and practiced relaxation exercises we learned there to help prepare me. John was very supportive in whatever I decided and we talked about exactly what I wanted to see happen in the delivery room so that he could make sure the nurses were on board as well. I wanted to go natural, but also was open to and had researched all of the options in case things didn't go as planned.

I was getting really impatient as my due date came and went. I was due on May 31st and had been contracting for the previous two weeks and NOTHING. John had been off for a week and nothing. I would contract for hours at a time and feel like maybe this was it and then wake up in the morning and...just kidding! This baby was taking his time :) The contractions were not really painful, but just tight and made me tired. We went into the hospital two times in the same week---at first he wasn't moving and then they thought I had symptoms of pre-eclampsia and both ended up being false alarms and all was fine. I felt like I was taking the "walk of shame" each time I left the hospital and the doctor said "Well, we're sending you home" and "When did we last see you?" Ha. I was so disappointed! I was grateful that everything was ok, but wanted the baby out!

I did lots of things that were "supposed" to induce labor---even mopped the floors on hands and knees the day after I was due. Let's just say my knees paid for it :) I remember how frustrating and disappointing it was to pass my due date and still have no baby. Everyone kept asking "so has he come? Any news? " I kept thinking "believe me if he comes you will know!!!" I wasn't even sure what contractions were supposed to feel like or what it would feel like when my water broke...so I was basically on edge anytime something happened. After the 2nd false alarm at the hospital, though, I told John there was no way I was going to the hospital unless I was ABSOLUTELY sure I was in labor and going to have that baby. Everyone said that I would just know when it came and I was hoping that was the case! 

I had just labored the Saturday night (June 1) before for 8 hours and then everything stopped. I was talking to my friend Julie about it at church the next day and she said she felt the same way with each of her babies when they were late. I was really angry too because I felt the pressure to have him since John was off work until Thursday and it was Sunday. Ugh. It was awful waiting. I was tempted to get induced and my doc had offered to schedule it that week, but I really didn't want to and felt he was going to come before that. Sure enough, the next morning, I went for a walk with Anna, and then we all walked to school and I started contracting pretty consistently. As I continued to do things around the house, I timed the contractions and they were 5 min apart. John makes fun of me because I made bread while having contractions (only in the bread maker mind you, so nothing fancy :) ) I called the doc and they told me to go in. We checked in to the hospital at 12 pm and the nurse, Lori, was amazing. She checked my cervix and said I was a 4 so I could be admitted. Yahoo! I couldn't believe this was actually happening! I was having a baby!!!! Then contractions stopped and I was pretty disappointed. When was my body going to keep going and have this baby??? Lori said my doc offered to break my waters and speed things up a little bit. I decided to do it.

The doc came in an hour or two later and as soon as she broke my waters, I started having some really intense labor. I started sitting on the birthing ball, moving my hips around, breathing deeply, and getting to a place that was peaceful where I could focus. Each time I had a contraction, I thought and said to myself "that's one down. I did that much" it was empowering to think I was actually doing this without any drugs. I kept using the words "relax", "breathe", and "open". I felt pretty strong though in a lot of pain and unsure how bad these contractions were going to get :) I started moaning as the contractions got stronger and couldn't believe that sound was coming out of my body. Who was this person? And why was she moaning like some sort of elephant? 

The next couple of hours were some of the most intense of my life. Each time I had a contraction, amniotic fluid would gush through me and I would feel intense pressure and pain. I tried to just take deep breaths and keep myself calm. I was having a hard time breathing deeply because of the pain, but the nurse was impressed that as the pain level shot up I was still breathing deeply and rolling around on my birthing ball. I used the birthing ball for most of it and just moved my hips around and leaned over the bed, moaning and groaning, but breathing :) John was super supportive and massaging me and telling me I could do it and that I was doing great. I really needed him there! I started to feel tingly and like parts of my body were going numb. It was so weird, so John just encouraged me to breathe deeply to make it go away and I did. It helped a ton. Then the contractions got more intense. I never knew I could feel so much pain and pressure. Wow. It was insane. The nurse checked me in between contractions and told me I had progressed to a 6 in an hour and a half. What? Yay! This was good. The baby was coming, but wow, so was the pressure in my body. Next thing we knew, they had to move us into another room because the monitors were not working in the first room. At that point, there wasn't much of a break in between contractions, so we had to hurry, otherwise the hospital floors would become a river of amniotic fluid :) 

As soon as we got into the next room, there was a shift change and we got a new nurse, who I didn't like as much as the first one. She got there as I was really experiencing pain and ready to push. I then had more and more intense contractions and tried to use a birthing bar, but that didn't work either, so I basically squatted on the bed for a bit. I told John at one point "I don't know if I can do this. It hurts. It hurts. Ow. Ow. Ow." It was like this surge inside of me started low and squeezed up through me, causing some intense pain. The squatting helped, but after that contractions kept getting worse, and I felt like I had to push. John was totally surprised and couldn't believe it. In between my moaning, I said "I need to push, I need to push" so he got the nurse, she checked me and I was past a 10----I had dilated from 6 to 10 in an hour!!!! She told me I could push all I wanted, this baby was coming!! So they rushed to get my doc and she and John got ready to deliver the baby. I pushed and pushed and pushed----it was intense and exhausting. Each time my doc told me to push, she counted to 10 and then told me to breathe in and count to 10 again while I pushed.

It was so weird feeling the baby move down and come through. I could feel him move closer and then move back and it was kind of frustrating because I wondered how long this would take. It felt like each time I was taking steps back and I was SO exhausted! Finally the doc and John said they could see the baby's head and to keep pushing, John kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing amazing, to keep going, and that I was strong and could do this. There were many times I really didn't think I could push one more time and said so, starting to whimper and cry a little bit, but my doc kept saying it wasn't a question if I could do it, I was DOING it and was GOING to do it. That really encouraged me and I tried to focus on the end reward---my little baby boy.

So at that point, my doc said I just needed to push one last time and he was right there. I just gave it all I had and may have screamed just a little bit! Ha ha. Ok, I moaned and sounds came out of my mouth that I had never heard from myself before. It HURT!!! As I pushed those last few times I could hear the baby's heartbeat slow down and the doc say his head was stuck and that I was too tight. She had to do an episiotomy. I was so focused on pushing and getting him out that I barely realized all that was going on. All was a blur and then I pushed as hard as I could and felt his head come through (burning!!!) and the rest of his body (just plain weird, but cool). After an hour of pushing, Benjamin John Winkler was born at 6:35 pm and weighed 7 lbs 9.5 oz and measured 19 1/2 inches long. My baby boy was here!

As soon as he came out, they put him skin to skin and on my belly. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. He was beautiful and he was my baby-mine and John's. What a miracle!!! I just held him and cried and John kissed me and I just couldn't believe he was finally here. They cleaned him off a bit and weighed him and then let me hold him again while my doc sewed me up. I had prayed during my whole pregnancy that the labor and delivery would go well and that it would be a spiritual experience for both John and me and those prayers were answered. 

He is amazing and perfect in every way. He is truly a miracle! Heavenly Father gave us this opportunity and I can't believe I have the privilege of being this little guy's mother.